P-Love

We had a small ceremony for P-Love on Friday, July 25th just before twilight.

Scott and I let Perry's ashes fly out of the bag together, assuring his ashes how much we love him and miss him. They formed a long line from the water to the shore in a diagonal spray as the wind was coming off the water. I think Perry was watching from the rainbow bridge.

Young Perry at the Island, summer of 2000 or 2001.


Jape built a small fire and Scott doused it with charcoal fluid, then I tried to light it while Suzanne held my beer. It took a piece of Raven's towel to get the fire started, it was so windy. We burned the box Perry had been stored in for the last 8 1/2 months and stared at it until it was ashes, mostly in silence.

The next morning all that was left was a stain on the rock that the fire was on. Perry was brought into the ocean by the tide.

Its almost Island time.

We start the journey up to PEI on either Friday night or Saturday morning, we're still undecided. I have not even started to look through books I want to take or jewelry I want to work on, or even clothes I want to wear. Things somehow work out, as we make this trek every summer and somehow it all works out even if we have forgotten something. Enjoy our backyard!
Suzanne, Jape and Raven are spending the 2 weeks with us this year, as they did in '05 and '06. We will drive up together (in separate cars) with the dogs. This will be Rusty's first time up there, I think he will love the freedom, but I am afraid of him off-leash, so we will just have to feel it out and see how he does. Hopefully we will be able to let him run wild (with eagle-eye supervision) for at least a little while each day. I still haven't totally found out what the code word is to bring him back when he runs, but he has been responding to the whistle very well. So far he always comes to me when I make that whistle noise, but the tests are always in fenced in yards...so you never know.

Perry enjoying some water time in August 2002.

Perry loved the water but couldn't swim. He would just run like mad in the low tide, and during high tide he would hug the shore. I miss him so much! He loved the freedom he had up on the island, and I will never forget him.

Perry's long awaited services will be held sometime between July 13 - July 26th. His ashes will be scattered over the cliff and into the ocean when the tide is in. Hopefully not on a very windy day.

RIP my very good friend Perry 1/96-11/07 I love you!

Perry

I picked up Perry's remains on friday.

I asked a fellow etsy seller if she could make an urn for Perry, and this is what she made.

When I found the listing, I wasn't expecting the personalization, I love the 'Perry' tag. I love EarthElements shop.

My little scavenger

There are times when I forget Perry is gone.
Mostly when I wake up and go sleepily to let him out, or when I make a loud noise like dropping something heavy and cringe and go look to see where he is. He didn't like loud noises.
But no times do I miss him more than when I am cooking.
He was always underfoot waiting for something to drop...especially spinach.
That silly dog tripped me up so much when I was cooking that I don't know what to do with all the space I have now.

Perry: a Retrospective, Part 2

Perry was a very sketchy dog, not very trusting at first, and always shaking.
He shook from the minute we picked him out, to the second he made peace with this world.
His entire life, start to finish, shook.

The shaking was constant through all of his 11 years. I will never know if this was because of something that happened in his life, or just because.

He was very afraid of some things when we first got him.
Brooms for one. The first time I picked a broom up in his presence, he cowered and I put the broom away.

He wouldn't go into the basement for the first 2 years he lived with us, in fact, he would stay far away from the open door for a while.

One thing that really upsets me is the fact that Perry cowered at the sight of Scott's gun when he took it out of it's holster (which he does on an almost daily basis). The first time, we both thought, "why should a dog be that afraid of a gun". We started thinking that a dog afraid of a gun must have had some horrible incident with one, one which is burned into his little doggy memory. This never repaired itself. He was always afraid of guns. I feel so terrible that I couldn't quell his fear of guns.

Ultimately, he did start going into the basement, and stopped being afraid of brooms. The gun thing, he never got over.

He never stopped shaking either. I secretly called him 'Shakes McGee'. Ok, not so secretly. I don't know how many people ever heard me call him that, but he knew I was talking about him when he heard me say it.

Ok, so the shaking was not all that bad. We called it the 'stripper dance', he was very good at it. He was prescribed some medication for his shaking years and years ago, to calm him down... I gave it to him once. He was not a pill popping dog, he prefered to be natural. The one and only time I gave him 'that medication' he acted drunk and surley, I felt horrible. He never had it again.

Happy shakey dog. vs. cold surley drunk dog. I chose happy.

'Shakes McGee' yep, that's my 'P'.

To be Continued...

Perry: a Retrospective

We adopted Perry on September 2, 1996 when he was approximately 8 months old.
I say approximately because Scott and I are Perry's 4th owners, so we never did get a proper history for him. We never knew his true breed, his true birthday, or what horrible things happened to him before we finally met.

At the pound, he was the quietest one in the room. He just sat there and looked at us while all the dogs in the other kennels were barking hysterically to be picked. He had a stupid look on his face, and he was panting.

I asked to see him, and they opened the gate. I got down on my knees and pet him while he quietly took the love. He was easily the cutest doggy in the room. Right then I needed him. We looked at other dogs, but I kept thinking of the quiet one. I told Scott I wanted that one. He agreed.

Perry's name was not always Perry. He probably had a few names before his last. When we adopted him, his name was something that had been shortened to Peli, I think it was Italian.

Scott and I were so pleased to have adopted a dog that we felt the need to take him to our friend Kevin's new house to visit on the way home. Perry was trying to climb in the front seat, and would not stop looking out the front windshield. Scott was trying to drive, and getting really perturbed. Forgetting the name of this new dog in his backseat, Scott yelled "Perry! Back!" And Perry listened, and so he was named.

To be Continued...

Picking up the pieces

Well, I haven't as of yet.
Pieces are still everywhere, probably will be until we are ready to pick them up.

Scott and I did have a few good laughs tonight thanks to Suzanne's comment on the previous post.

'Zaipoopish' was a favorite toy of Perry's which he ripped apart, but loved so much that he knew the name. He would pick this toy out of a dozen if I called for it.
It was a ridiculous looking multi colored humanish form with rope hair. Very sturdy, and lasted a long time. I named it after a crazy Tom Waits song called 'Kommienezuspadt', it seemed to fit. I looked through all my pictures, and sadly I have no picture of Zaipoopish. He will just remain in my memory, and Suzanne's apparently. I have no idea how to embed a song on this blog, if I did, you would hear the strangest song ever.

That along with the terrifying 'at times' tuck and run, Perry was truly a character. Scott reminisced tonight about a time that Erik was over and Perry was in a rare form of 'tuck and run'. The most exciting, terrifying type running around you can imagine. He actually tucked his butt under himself and ran around at high speed. This particular evening, Erik was sitting on the couch and Perry was in such high gear, he actually ran 'around' Erik. Yes, up the couch, around the back of the couch (where Erik was sitting), and down the other side. Erik is lucky to have his life.

Thank you Suzanne, this is what we should be focusing on now. The happiness, the good times, the tuck and runs. Zaipoopish!

Perry is still here

I hear his barking when I come home.
I hear his collar jangling when I open a snack.
I hear his toenails clicking on the hardwood floor when the house is silent.
I hear him walking up the stairs when I am in bed.

I woke up this morning at 5am sobbing.
I miss him so much. So much. There are no words.

11/06/2007

Perry passed very peacefully this afternoon at approximately 5:15pm.
He is chasing squirrels up in heaven now. Hopefully eating a lot, and not getting sprayed by skunks.

I will miss him more than anything in the whole world.

For nobody but myself, please look away.

******The title is intended to discourage anyone who is easily upset, especially at work. I read this again before posting, and I blubbered once again. Blubbering seems to be something I am very good at right now.******

I have been breaking out in full blown breath gasping tears tonight, most of the night. It began with Suzanne's sobbing while we drove off with her P-love, and never stopped. I am just a mess. Not your fault Suzanne, in fact, I am so sorry. I love him, too.

This is Perry's last night, and for him it is not proving to be a good one.
He has been having mucus diarrhea all night, a couple of times at J&S's house and 3 times so far at home, and most recently vomiting which is what sent me into such a state of blubbering. Thankfully, all occured outside.

After the vomit episode, I forced a nausea pill into his mouth and got it down. I had decided earlier that I was not going to give him any more pills, but after the vomiting, I thought he may be better off with this one in him. I hope it makes the night easier for him.

My baby is so sick, he is going to heaven tomorrow and I can't stop crying.

I will probably not sleep at all. I am staying downstairs on the couch where I can be close to him.

My face is hot and red and blotchy, nose raw, and my eye sockets are twice the normal size, but I digress. This isn't about me.

Thanks for not reading this.

Sweet Sweet P

I really don't know how to say this.
I have started this post a few times and deleted the attempts.

Perry will be going to sleep for the last time tomorrow. We have an appointment for euthanasia tommorrow at 5pm.

He spent today visiting with people he loves, getting lots of petting and loving, and some car rides with his head out the window.

Tomorrow I will spend the day with him, maybe take a short walk, squeeze him until he can't stand me anymore. I love him to pieces.

His body has given up, his intestines are liquifying, he's been on a super quick downslide.
We have done all we can do. I love you Perry!

Demon Days

My ipod is broken. I have to take it to an apple shop very soon, since I don't have a warrenty on it and it was purchased at the beginning of December (Sweet gift from hubby). It decided all by itself that I only need music coming out of the left earpod. Yeah, I checked three different headphones with it...it is the ipod, not the earpods.

Anyway, I was listening to some of my favorite music on the laptop with my ipod earpods (which sound great, btw, out of both ears) tonight, and I realized that Demon Days is an album that I associate with taking Perry for a walk. We like the progression, the beats and the cadence...good dog walking album, if I may say so myself. It gives big steps and a swift walk.

I just want to remember this. Perry loves the Gorillaz.

Perry update

Perry has completely lost any interest in eating. He is not feeling well at all. I am trying to keep my cool, chalking it up to friday's very aggressive treatment. He still has interest in food, just no interest in eating.
This afternoon I came home to an accident in the kitchen, a small one since he hasn't eaten much in the last few days. After I cleaned that up, I had to force feed him his pills. Something I only recently started to do since he stopped taking pills in food. I hate doing that. I have to pry his mouth open, get my whole hand in there, place the pill as far to the back as I can, and then close his mouth and keep his head up until he swallows. The strange thing is, I do this with two hands, so I am not holding him there, he just stays there all by himself. I am wondering if he is losing his fight. I wish he could speak. We shared a hug filled, petting, and crying time today. He knows I love him, he doesn't leave my side these days.

Now we wait and see.

We are home from the oncology center.
Perry behaved very good for this treatment, another iv one. This one took 10 minutes to administer as opposed to the usual couple of minutes. He needed a shot to combat nausea, as this treatment is known to cause dogs to vomit. There was no vomiting, thank the lucky stars.

There was, however, diarrhea on the ride to the treatment. Yeah, you heard that right. IN MY CAR! Thankfully only on the blanket. I could have killed us both trying to keep him away from that side of the backseat while I was driving. I was almost in tears.
After the treatment, Jessica gave us another blanket for the backseat, thanks Jess.
He just slept most of the ride home.

So, we need to make an appointment with our regular vet to get bloodwork done next friday. No oncology visit next week. We are now on the every two weeks plan, for the time being.

Thursday

Another Perry post.

Perry is not doing so well today.
He hardly ate, I had a hard time getting his meds into him. He spit out deli ham! Unbelieveable.

I woke up this morning to diarrhea again in the kitchen (good thing we confine him at night these days) but this diarrhea was unlike the norm. This was very mucussy (is that a word?). It was like thick brown stinky spit. Much different from other messes I have had to clean up. Yes, more bad news. Sorry.

Tomorrow after work, I take him to the NEVOG for his 5th chemo treatment which will be the most aggressive one yet. I am trying to be optomistic. He is done with the weekly treatments, so now it will be once every two weeks for a while. If we see no improvement in the next two weeks from tomorrows treatment, well, you know. I hate to say it.

Shitty Tuesday

Perry has had a couple of hard days with the eating and diarrhea.
I woke up this morning to a liquidy mess on the kitchen floor.
Last night he wouldn't eat until I started hand feeding him.
I am so depressed.
The highs and lows are really killing me.
We have changed his diarrhea medication a few times, and nothing seems to be working. We have never gained control of it, we may never.

I called the oncologist, he said that friday's chemo treatment will be a super strong one. Very aggressive drugs, the most aggressive so far. If there is no improvement after this next treatment, Scott and I have decided to stop the chemo. I am not convinced that it is doing anything at all at this point. I will still keep my fingers crossed for fridays treatment, but I am afraid that it may be his last.

All this sounds so bad, and it is, especially since Perry is still not acting like a sick dog. This is what kills us. He just looks skinny, won't eat, and has no stool to speak of, only brown watery diarrhea.

I wish I had something positive to say. Sorry for the bad news.

Friday

Perry's appointment today went well.
He had another IV treatment and didn't fight much this time. I think he knows it is helping him. He gave Jessica some loving afterwards and she gave him treats. He knows the drill now.
He slept almost the whole car ride home. When we got home, he ate. Yay!

I am happy, and tired.

Perry continues to do great this week.
I was getting worried there over the weekend and into monday, but now I have a hungry fiesty dog that doesn't want to sit still. He is rubbing for hugs, wants to chase things outside, and keeps going back to his bowl. I am super happy about that.
At the moment he is nudging my arm to pet him, it makes it hard to type!

I worked this morning for Jake, went to the police station to get fingerprinted for work, went back to work, did some work, then came home. I was super tired, so I took a nap. Then I went to work at the Gallery and got home at about 9:45pm. Welcome to the real world, Nancy. This is really cutting into my crafty time.
I have to do it all over tomorrow, although I will not get home so late.
The good thing about this situation is that I can come home between jobs for a while and spend some time with Perry. He took a nap with me today on the (Scott, look away!) BED. Hahaa!

Perry's feeling better.

Perry has been feeling better today.

He had such a lousy weekend and monday was no better.

Today on the other hand has been completely different. He was actually eating dry food. He was still hungry after I fed him his wet food that I thought I would just put some dry in it and see what happens. I couldn't believe my eyes when he ate some. He hasn't touched dry food in ages, unless it is someone elses food (Raven). This is a very interesting turn of events.

Let's see how he is tomorrow. Another day like today, and he just might put on another pound before his next oncology visit.

Pictures, not that great since it is late.

I took some pics of P tonight.

Here he is in all his glory!

Here is Perry frolicking at Raven's house tonight. He actually ran around for a bit.

He wants Suzannes attention...He is soooo cute!

At home, he sits and waits for 'something'.

He is such a good boy. He just wants to please. I love him so much! Don't mind the mess behind him. Pretend you didn't see that.

What a good boy! I have many more pictures, but I can't post them all here. Or can I....