Wednesday, June 10, 2009


I find myself getting angry with mom the last few days. She has been showing signs of surrender, which will seriously seal her fate if she doesn't watch out. I worry about her level of commitment to heal. I worry about her ability to do so.

Specifically, the lack of movement on her strong side (left side) is particularly shocking to me. Even a week ago, she had been squirming to get comfortable. Now, she sits scrunched down with her feet awkwardly positioned until she can get some 'boosting' help (which she won't even ask for unually). I fear that she is becoming comfortable with the success of her first hurdle (the swallowing/eating) and that she thinks that this is enough for now. It's totally not enough! She also will try to get you to feed her with the spoon, or put the cup to her mouth to drink, or change the channel on the tv, even though she can do these actions herself (and has multiple times). She seems to be settling into the comfort zone of a 2 year old.

It's not enough.

Her care coordinator called me yesterday to make an appointment about what her care will be after leaving Spaulding. We had that appointment in Dolly's room today, with Dolly present. I'm not sure that she fully understood the conversation. I was shocked that this conversation would take place so soon after her arrival, but it was based on her progress, and these prognosis will be a biweekly discussion until the end of June at best. We will have to decide on a sub-acute rehab to which she will be transferred after her discharge from Spaulding. This can be postponed, if she makes some good progress. I hate to have to make this decision since I am not ready for her to leave Spaulding, but this is the way of either make progress and they keep you going, or you don't and they put you in a nursing home. The latter is not what mom wants, we have talked about it.

I need her to make some more progress.


Kerry Hawkins said...

Hang in there! I know this is tough for you.

Suzanne said...

we are thinking of you always and sending all good vibes your way. love you!